He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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