I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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