so that wasnt chicken after all
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
