She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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