do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
