my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I believe in your delicious
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
