he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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