I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
is it fun? or sober?
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