You can't motorboat a personality
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
