I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
