My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
