So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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