this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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