Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
