im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
