dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I bet he comes in French.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
