They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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