help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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