so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
