Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
