and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
