We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
