you would pick up someone in the library
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
