Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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