She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize