dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
