My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
