I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
