I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
