he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
