I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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