need another drink. this is the easiest way
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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