I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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