It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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