you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
