is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
