you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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