my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
