i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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