franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
