I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she smelled like a LAN party
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
