I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
