i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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