I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
