I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
