I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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