Having a random hookup so left but love u
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
