Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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