My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
