Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
