its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
