I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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