You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
