Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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