Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
