well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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