peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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