so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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