So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
