Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
