I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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