does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
MIDGETS
????
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
