Betty ford says i'm here all night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
