Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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