I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
